Assalam alaikum & Peace to all
Thought I would update you all with what I've been up to. Well in short NOTHING, I mean nothing out of the ordinary. I wake up go to work, stay there for nine hours, drive home, make dinner, then sleep and do it again the next day! Very boring but sometimes I really like the 'boring' but the only time I really appreciate the boring is when my life turns upside down. I sit and think wow it would be nice if things were ordinary again. I long for the mundane in those times.
I am happy to announce that I have been keeping up with the daily prayers much better, mashallah it is amazing really that I am able to get in more prayers - I have always struggled with this but for the past four days I have made a conscious effort to keep them up. It is a struggle, truly. I know that most will say but you 'have' to do them, you have to keep up the prayers, it is not something difficult to take out five to ten minutes to do them. Well, all I say to those is that nobody, NOBODY knows their own situation other than themselves. I won't go into the details of how and why I was not able to perform all of my daily prayers, but will say that it has become a bit easier and I have to thank Allah for that!
I started this blog to relate to people how beautiful and difficult this religion is, or rather to be a convert. There is always talk that you should not reveal your sins, yes ok, I can agree to that. It is between you and Allah, however I do believe that reading about somebodies struggles can empower you to make changes in your own life. I know that when I have read about others who have had struggles to overcome I can relate and I can gauge my own progress to see where I need to improve. Let's not forget one thing, we are all human and to see people fail does not make them weak, it makes them ordinary, makes them 'real'.
So let me relate to you why I suddenly decided that I need to be more vigilant with keeping up the prayers. I got very scared of the fact that one day at the end of my life I will have to answer so many questions. I will be asked by Allah why did I not pray on time, why did I not say all the prayers, etc. I tried to imagine what I would say, but I could not come up with one good answer. Sure I have all the excuses, we've all heard them and done them. I am tired, I am lazy, I cannot do it because of work, because of people around me, the water is cold for wudu, I have no water for wudu. Are any of these real reasons? No, they are not. So when I think of the time I will be standing in front of my creator, the one who knows me better than anyone ever can, I can't help but think that those excuses are horrid. Allah has made provisions for everything. For example if you have no water you can do the dry ablution, tayammum. If you are travelling you can shorten certain prayers. I believe with a sincere heart that if I make an effort and my intentions are to keep the prayers it will benefit me, but only Allah knows if my prayers are accepted. So on the day of questioning I feel that if I can at least say, 'I tried to keep the prayers, I have offered them in the best way that I could'. I feel that at least there is the intention of offering it, and that has to be better than leaving the prayers entirely! Inshallah!
Allah Almighty knows best.
So I go on with my life, the mundane and perhaps even boring life... but think that it is good and I am thankful for these moments of 'boredom' and pray that whatever life throws at me, I will be able to handle it!