Wow I've fallen off the face of the planet...at least the blogging planet

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I can't believe that I've not been able to update this blog more often...I think Im probably writing this all for nothing as I've probably lost all of my readers... (crickets chirping).  I just feel that I haven't really had
any good topics to discuss lately and talking about my daily life would be boring? Well, maybe I should just write what I want to?? It is my blog after all...so inshallah I will be writing more often about anything that pops into my little inquisitive head!

As for now...'little inquisitive son' is eek-ing and looking for my attention! Mashallah he is such a joy...but is a real handful now that he has started to crawl!! Mashallah time has gone by so fast...in a little over a month he will be a year old!!

ok, so for now ....I'll talk to you all later!

Husbands...

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Does anyone's hubby work from home? Well mine does and for the most part I am happy that he is at home to help out with our son ... sometimes he can watch him for a little bit so that I can do laundry, cook or some other thing that has to be done....but..... there is always a but!  Him being at home also makes things harder, like the general housework that has to be done.  Our home mashallah is not huge or small...just right...but it can be likened to a giant drum ...bang on something and it reverberates all through the house.  For example dropping a plate or slamming a door makes such a big noise...can you imagine when I do the vaccuming or the dishes?? Ack! The days that he goes into the office I seem to get so much more accomplished.  I probably should not complain...as mashallah he gets to spend time with his son...I know so many other fathers who don't get that chance...so we are lucky.  What am I trying to say with this post? Well not much (as its 1:40am here - and I am not as coherent as I should be LOL) I guess its just a small vent!

Anyways...hope to post more about Ramadan and my updates regarding that...inshallah tomorrow!

Good night/morning all!!

What am I up to lately?

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Well what am I up to? Mostly taking care of our little six month old darling...lol.  So I started to give him solid foods...mashallah it has been going well.  He has had apples, peaches, carrots, pears, and peas - in that order! They say you should not start with 'sweet' foods but hey what do they know... just kidding...it just happened to happen this way. Next he will get butternut squash and later maybe avocado and bananas!  I must also say that I have been making all this food and not buying them pre-made - mashallah it has been easy so far - alhamduillah - I really hope to keep it up, as I do not like all the additives they put into it and the processing involved with it.  There is organic ready made baby foods - I may use those if we are travelling or something like that.  Life is interesting with a six month old - mashallah I am enjoying it!

So my next thing is Ramadan, I am very nervous and scared about it.  I know I probably should not say that as it is a very holy month - but it is such a long day this year.  Last year I did not fast because I was pregnant and felt very left out, as well at Eid hubby took off for 'home' so I was left alone with my non-muslim, non-caring-about-ramadan mother, anyways.  So I look forward to the month but with fear that I will not be able to fast for so long.  It starts at around 4:30am and breaking the fast is at 8:30pm - I just can't imagine it?? I am partially breast-feeding and my fear is that my supply will disappear (its such a small amount already) I know they say you can not fast if you think there is a danger to you or your child - but it is not a danger, it is just that I would like him to get as much breast milk as possible - inshallah my supply will not go. 

So that is what I am up to lately...not too exciting but its my life right now!

I hope to post more soon...inshallah!


 

What does the quran say about how parents should treat their children?

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Just wondering if anyone knows of anything in the Quran or Hadiths that speak about how parents should be treating their children?  I know there is a lot about how we should be respectful to our parents and care for them, etc. 
I have been lately having some serious difficulties with my Mother and am having a very hard time to reconcile her behaviour and mine at the same time.  It is said that we must respect our parents, that is all good and fine but why is there never mention of those parents respecting their children?  I mean just because they gave birth to us does that mean we are `under` their whims and commands forever?  I mean without going into too much detail, my Mother lately has become very `selfish`.  Everyone is saying `oh just give her time and realize that she is getting older and it happens` Ok, it happens but in the process she is hurting me and others (my husband for one) saying very untrue things about all of us. She is living with us, but I feel she is not thankful at all and is always just looking out for herself.

Im not sure how this will all play out but it is just not working out living in one household, we all feel like we cannot go on with our own lives...always under a microscope....that goes for my Mother as well - except she will not admit it to me (I overheard her talking).  That is another thing that bothers me so much that she will talk to others about how she is feeling but will never tell me.

Anyone still reading...please keep our family in your dua`s, as I really do need them!







 

Things getting worse before they are better?

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all


Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post - all of your words really helped. 
Unfortunately things have gotten worse ...not better, yes I did blow up a bit  but it was for something different, I admit I reacted a bit quick and abrupt but it just happened and I have been 'paying' for that ever since. Not to seem like I'm back-biting (maybe I have already - may God forgive me if I have) but I over-heard my Mother talking badly about me and my husband to a friend of her's.  After that I have not been the same, it's just too many times I have heard her say one thing to me and then go behind my back and talk badly.  I am just deflated right now, I feel lost and don't know how to fix things.  Hubby is very upset at the situation and I feel I am caught between the two of them.  It's not like I have to make a choice between the two (I pray that it will never come to something like that) but my husband is right as well, the whole situation is too tense and my Mother is not realizing how much strain she is putting on us.  I admit wholeheartedly that she is too in a difficult situation but having background history about this I can tell you that this is her personality - only it has gotten worse.  

I prayed that God will show me out of this situation so that we can all be healed of this anger and frustration, but I just don't know what to do. 

I know in Islam parents are held in high regard and God knows that I am trying to do my best but what about that parent not making things difficult? What about not hurting their own child?

May Allah forgive me and give me strength, as I will Inshallah have a child but I just can't imagine doing this to my child, I sit here almost in tears and in the morning when she says 'dear daughter' I feel a little part of my dying away because all I can hear are her harsh words that were spoken behind closed doors. 

Does anyone have any prayers I can recite to calm me down, to give me patience? I just don't know how to handle all of this. 
Forgive me if this sounds so dramatic...and I understand if nobody responds, I think I just need to get this out in the open.

Thank you

Am I being insensitive?

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

For a few days now I've been irritated with my mom and I can't figure out if I am being rational about it or just emotional?  So why not ask all of you out there? Here is the story.

My mom is living with us now for a few months, we are going to be moving into our new home in about a month (inshallah) and we have so many things to do in the apartment before it can be put on sale - massive cleaning and some structural work too (ie. finishing the flooring off and painting) So for these few months it has been a real struggle with my mom in terms that I find myself telling her 'what to do' everyday.  She was living on her own for about 2 years and has taken care of her family (my Father and myself) for over 30 years so it's not like she does not know how to run a household, or cook, etc.  I really looked forward to having the cooking done by her and her helping out with the household cleaning.  Ok, I know that sounds harsh but it's nice to have some help (I work far from home so by the time I get home I feel so drained that the cooking and household chores suffer a bit - at least until the weekend) so thankfully my mom being healthy and capable to help out I was happy.  Well, it has not really worked out that way at all. 
She constantly is asking me what to cook and how to cook it...etc.  She does not really take the initive to clean the house if she sees something a mess, instead she will say 'oh why are you doing that, when I can do it?" (huh... why didn't you do it then in the first place?)  Once again is this harsh of me?  Maybe it is, but she is always saying to me 'Don't do things, relax and let me do them.' Ok, thanks Mom but YOUR'RE NOT DOING THEM! (blush) I just can't tell my mom, oh go clean the bathroom, do the laundry, cook, etc. I feel as if I'm treating her like a maid. 
Hubby is getting a bit frustrated with the situation as well, and so am I.  It's just not easy to adjust to this life with her living there.  It is a small apartment and she has her own small room and she will just go in there and watch TV, read, etc.  So I feel strange, like I've shut her off from us, but it is her that closes the door and shuts herself off from us.  So many times we've said come and sit with us, or don't close the door, etc.  So I just don't know but it is all getting on my nerves, all these little things are pilling up and making me stressed, and I know I'll just blow up at her and that won't solve anything.

So, dear bloggers out there .... am I just a horrible insensitive daughter?? I would appreciate any comments or advice you may have.

Also I've started a pregnancy/baby diary  so if you want to check it out
A mommy in training

I guess I'll find out what it's like to be a mom one day (inshallah)

Guarding each others's honour - Husbands and Wives!

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I got to thinking about something I read online a great article about guarding your husbands honour on the blog Ignite the light within

It talks about how women should guard the honour of their husbands. There are some excellent points in it to remember and keep in mind always. I have seen so many women who really 'bash' their husbands to their friends, some are just vicious about it - I always feel sad when I hear things like that because I believe that problems like that should not be out in the pubic. I think perhaps talking with a close friend or relative is a better way than to engage in gossip with your girlfriends. Now, to be honest I too have talked a bit about my husband, but I know that it will not go any farther than that person I talked with, and really it wasn't something bad he did more of an annoyance that I had to 'get' out and by doing that I got over it.

As I was reading it though I also thought how I never really see articles like this pointed towards men. Hmm? Now why is that? (or have I just not gone on the right sites or read much? Don't know but if anyone can point me in the direction of some good articles for the 'brothers and husbands, I would appreciate it!)
Why could the article not focus on both husbands and wives. I mean really I have heard lots of husbands complain just as much about their wives to their friends, etc. It really is human nature but that does not mean it is an excuse. I would love to see some good articles for men/husbands by men/husbands - now wouldn't that be great?

There is one part of the article that really touched me and gave me hope and inspiration.

Remember that in every command of Allah lies a potent hikmah, a hidden wisdom that is beneficial for you. He loves you seventy times more than your well-wishing mother. Run to Him – in salah [regular Islamic prayer], dua [praying to Him], dhikr [His remembrance by the tongue and heart], and istighfar [seeking His forgiveness for sins] – whenever you have a bone to pick with your husband. For the solution and the solace after the storm, trust in Allah. If you keep your duty to Him, He will never relinquish you – rather, He will fill your home with unbridled peace, harmony and tranquility.

Ok I've gone on long enough about this...I want to know what you all think?

Mom and an abaya

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Ok so here is my Abaya/Mom story ... first of all just as a reminder....
my Mom does not know about me converting (yeah still)

So one afternoon we were in a mall, she was looking for some 'house dresses' and as we were walking down an aisle I see a store that looks like it has some of those kinds of dresses. Just as an aside this mall has many indians/muslims - this becomes important because the store we went into was an Islamic store, tons of abayas and shalwars...etc
So needless to say it was a 'big' step to go into that store. It's not like my Mom would be against going in...just not something we would be doing. I had told my mom that i wanted to get something like an abaya for when im 'bigger' in my pregnancy, its comfy...etc she was like ok (it's always a surprise how my Mom will react to things!) so anyway... we saw rows and rows of abayas on the shelf, they were so nice andboth of us were ohhing and ahhhing at how lovely they were!
So I decided to start to look at some more seriously, that is when the woman came over and started to help me to try them on. Long story short we ended up buying an abaya for me (well my mom paid for it) and she bought one for herself....a simple plain black one! (Once again wonders never cease!)
While we were at the cash register, with the same woman who was helping us, she looked over and took 2 sunglasses and said here for you both free! She was so kind and helping and now here she was offering more to us... my Mom just looked at her and said 'no we can't accept this' the woman was all like 'no no please take it' and all smiling. So then I asked if they had a prayer compass (I don't have very much opportunity to be in an Islamic store, so I took my chance!) and she did...and gave me a discount on it mashallah!
Of course my mom asked what that is..i told her but said it's for hubby (well I can't win all the battles can I ? ) Then as we were leaving the store i said to her 'assalam alaikum
my mom was like oh what is that you said ....did you say bye in her language my mom right well knows that there is no Muslim language but anyway i told her that i said 'peace be upon you' and that she replied to me 'and you as well' which was a great lead into me telling her that in fact in the Hungarian Catholic Church you would always greet the priests that way and they had to reply back to you she was like...yes you are right.

I could see that my Mom was affected by all of this, and to be honest so was I. That sales woman was so friendly and caring, I can't help but be thankful that God put us in that position, so perhaps my mom would see what 'real' Muslims are like. It is at least a step in a good direction...inshallah it continues that way!

Oh btw, anyone interested in what kind of abaya I bought? It's a split one, with
red flowers embroidered on the sleeves and the bottom...I'll try and take a picture
and post it later on!

So what's been going on with me lately?

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Well I have not fallen off the face of the planet, although sometimes I feel like I have. The last two weeks of July I had my official time off from work but that was no fun at all because I had to move my Mom out of her own place and move her into our rather small 900sq ft. apartment. Basically we sold her house (the house I grew up in all my 34yrs minus the 2 years I've been married)
and are looking to find a new house for all of us...inshallah we will find something good to suit us all, please keep us in your dua's that we find something suitable!

On a side note it has been really very hard to part with the old house. I grew up there and all of my memories are tied to that house which will probably be rubble soon (as the person who bought it will be tearing it down eventually) so I feel like my memories will be scattered among the rubble. The house sold quickly alhamduillah, and the closing date was very fast, we had only about 3-4 weeks to pack everything and move it!
Let me tell you that packing up 30+ years of memories and 'junk' took some time and effort, both physically and emotionally!
I found tons of my old school papers, and other junk. Photos of my Father and his young years, and I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with emotion - I kind of tie that house to my Father's memory very closely and it is difficult to break that but it had to be done and I know that he would be ok with our decision.

So that is mostly why I have not blogged for a while, been trying to make sense of this new life, living with my Mom and hubby under the same roof.

Pregnancy has been good alhamduillah, but it's really a struggle some days. I just pray that everything is good with the little one and is born healthy and strong, all the tiredness and aches and pains and annoyances are little to go though to have a strong, healthy little one!

I'll try and update the blog more often...actually I have one update in mind and it involves my Mom and an Abaya ... wow! Stay tuned! LOL

A question ...

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I got asked today a very good question:
Why are you uncomfortable sharing Islam with your family?

I had to think quite a lot about this and really to be honest, I don't have a good answer for it. But me being me...I'll give you some insights as to why I have a hard time telling/sharing Islam with my family.

First of all it's mostly because my Mother does not know, and telling her right now I fear she will become ill - and I mean really ill. She has been through a lot of difficulties and to be frank she is getting older and does not handle change very well lately. I have been so close to telling her about twice now, but each time I kind of wimp out of it. I have talked to her about Islam and she knows that it is something I know about, obviously because my husband is Muslim! Now there is
the part that would probably make things easier, you would think? I sometimes think that she already figures that I have changed religions for 'him' (the classic answer) and that me telling her would only serve to confirm her thoughts, but I cannot be sure of that. I'm sure many of you are thinking...well just tell her and get over it! Yeah I would love to and as this is not a TV episode that ends in half and hour and has a neat and tidy - huggy huggy ending, I will have to deal with
the outcome of it. I have however given my mom some articles to read and have even given her
some verses of Quran (although she does not know they are from Quran - yeah I know, sneaky, but I pray that it was not something wrong to do!) She asked me where it came from, I said 'online' (blush)

Secondly I am not really that close with my family, only a cousin and his family, his mother. (My Aunt) We don't really have a big family. So that leaves my friends, which I have a few really good ones, and some more casual ones. Only 5 or 6 of them know that I am Muslim and it only came
out casually in conversation and thankfully they did not make a big deal of it! (I don't like being the center of attention!)

All of my co-workers do not know... and there is a reason, well two. One is that the woman who hired me is a friend to my cousin....so if one knows the other will know as well. You do the math! Second is that people here are very un-receptive towards anyone really different, I mean if I were to show up in a headscarf, well let's just say I don't know what would happen.

I can just hear some of you bloggers out there saying... 'oh those are not good reasons at all'
Well you know what, you are probably right but for me right now at this stage I am at, this is how it has to be. I can only pray that inshallah one day I have the strength and Iman to face people and proudly say I am Muslim! That day has not come.

Being an anonymous face in the blogging world gives me a strength that I do not feel in the outside world. Perhaps it is because it is anonymous, but it is so much easier to be myself here online. Isn't that funny that it takes a pseudo life to feel as if you are living your real life?

Well so right here right now... I am proud to be Muslim and I thank Allah that it was brought into my life and Inshallah I want to grow and learn everyday in this wonderful, peaceful religion! I also pray that one day I will be able to share all of this with my family and friends!

Degredation of the Family unit...some thoughts

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I have a news feed up on top of my browser window - its set to
Turkish news right now (Hubby is Turkish and I sometimes like to
surprise him with some knowledge about what's going on there!)
Anyway... off topic!
So I saw this article title

School Books are Turkish, Muslim, Male, Heterosexual and Racist

I thought....hmm this should be interesting.
The article starts off like this:

The findings of the second project of monitoring Turkish school
books for human rights violations, run by the History Foundation
and the Human Rights Foundation of Turkey, have been published
as a book.

"...The father is the person who makes the living for the family.
The mother is the father’s helper, and she provides the food, child care
and love in the family.”

Ok, what is so wrong with that? Yes there are women who make a living,
and yes it is a nice thing for the father to help out the mother. In most homes
the mother is the one cooking and cleaning and childcare. I know that this makes
it sound as if the women are at a disadvantage, but I have to disagree. I think
many of us grew up in such homes, did we turn out all misguided?

The article goes on:

“The groups most at risk of contracting AIDS are: people having unsafe
sexual relations, people with more than one sexual partner,
homosexuals, drug users, those dependent on blood products and health personnel.” (E.A. Kolukısa (2006) Primary School Social Studies
6, p. 147, Ankara: A Publications).

This sentence encourages prejudices towards both people who are not heterosexual and those who cannot live with one partner.

Um...this to me looks more like a fact not 'discrimination'?
Should text books write 'its ok to have more than one sexual partner'?
I mean really these books are for children in school, it should not
contain 'thoughts or ideals', I think facts are needed not opinions.

Ok this really boggles my mind - remember these are books made for
Turkish children IN Turkey.

Related to this issue is the choice of names that the characters in school
books have. They are always Muslim and Turkish names, such as
Ömer, Zeynep, Mustafa, Mehmet, Meral, Sema…In vain does one look
for Armenian, Kurdish or Jewish names, such as
Agop, Zilan, Baran, Moşe, Roni or Nayat.

We generally use 'English' sounding names here in Canada, and we have
so many different nationalities, so I don't think that is being racists. With so
many ethnicity's here the book makers would be dizzy from choosing names!
Would you really see a book here with the characters having a
Chinese or Indian name? I wouldn't mind, but realistically would it happen?
Perhaps Canada is in violation of Human Rights too then?

“For no one; we are Allah’s subjects…our hearts are full of belief,
our strong arms….”(A. Kapulu (2007) Primary School
Turkish 4, p. 29, Ankara: Koza Publications).

According to the report of the History Foundation, religious beliefs
are presented as positive suggestions in school books.
Traditions are shown as incompatible with a critical mind.
When religion is described as a “culture”, morality is reduced to religiosity.

Ok so teaching or 'promoting' religion is a bad thing? I think maybe if more people
were religious they wouldn't be so many wars?

“My mother bought a blanket from a door-to-door salesperson.
But when my father came home in the evening, he said that the blanket
could not be paid with this month’s budget, and said we would have
to give it back.” (E. A. Kolukısa (2007)
Primary School Social Studies 6, p. 22, Ankara: A Publications).

- Stop here and think of what that sentence means to you?
Then scroll down and see if you thought the same as they are claiming
in the article that this sentence portrays.

This sentence shows a woman who cannot make decisions, as well as a male-dominated family.

Are you kidding me? All I thought when I read that is that 'there is no money
this month and they could not afford it. Never would I have thought, 'the woman
is too stupid to know how much money they have and keeps spending! AACCKKK

Okey so after all these I have a few thoughts on how the world is progressing.
First of all I think the 'family unit' is broken down and not 'cherished' anymore.
Yes both sets of parents may be working and it is no longer only the man who is
the bread winner, but that does not mean that we need to forget about family life.

Women have babies, and usually those babies take about 6months to one year to
become able to be left with someone else other than their mother. So, yeah in
that time the "man" of the house is going to have to provide, and is that so wrong??
Morals and values have seem to been abandoned, in the pursuit of wealth and
success.

I really cannot believe that those books are being questioned, well ok,
I can believe they are being questioned (and there are some aspects
of the article that I agree with, some things really should be re-evaluated
by the Turkish schools) but to be accused of Human Rights violations
for printing such things? I mean come on people....lets be realistic!

If put under a microscope and analyzed in these terms I would like to know
which nation in the world would not be violating Human Rights?

I would really like some opinions on this article - well at least the quotes
I've posted above. Do you agree, or not or have another opinion?