A question ...

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I got asked today a very good question:
Why are you uncomfortable sharing Islam with your family?

I had to think quite a lot about this and really to be honest, I don't have a good answer for it. But me being me...I'll give you some insights as to why I have a hard time telling/sharing Islam with my family.

First of all it's mostly because my Mother does not know, and telling her right now I fear she will become ill - and I mean really ill. She has been through a lot of difficulties and to be frank she is getting older and does not handle change very well lately. I have been so close to telling her about twice now, but each time I kind of wimp out of it. I have talked to her about Islam and she knows that it is something I know about, obviously because my husband is Muslim! Now there is
the part that would probably make things easier, you would think? I sometimes think that she already figures that I have changed religions for 'him' (the classic answer) and that me telling her would only serve to confirm her thoughts, but I cannot be sure of that. I'm sure many of you are thinking...well just tell her and get over it! Yeah I would love to and as this is not a TV episode that ends in half and hour and has a neat and tidy - huggy huggy ending, I will have to deal with
the outcome of it. I have however given my mom some articles to read and have even given her
some verses of Quran (although she does not know they are from Quran - yeah I know, sneaky, but I pray that it was not something wrong to do!) She asked me where it came from, I said 'online' (blush)

Secondly I am not really that close with my family, only a cousin and his family, his mother. (My Aunt) We don't really have a big family. So that leaves my friends, which I have a few really good ones, and some more casual ones. Only 5 or 6 of them know that I am Muslim and it only came
out casually in conversation and thankfully they did not make a big deal of it! (I don't like being the center of attention!)

All of my co-workers do not know... and there is a reason, well two. One is that the woman who hired me is a friend to my if one knows the other will know as well. You do the math! Second is that people here are very un-receptive towards anyone really different, I mean if I were to show up in a headscarf, well let's just say I don't know what would happen.

I can just hear some of you bloggers out there saying... 'oh those are not good reasons at all'
Well you know what, you are probably right but for me right now at this stage I am at, this is how it has to be. I can only pray that inshallah one day I have the strength and Iman to face people and proudly say I am Muslim! That day has not come.

Being an anonymous face in the blogging world gives me a strength that I do not feel in the outside world. Perhaps it is because it is anonymous, but it is so much easier to be myself here online. Isn't that funny that it takes a pseudo life to feel as if you are living your real life?

Well so right here right now... I am proud to be Muslim and I thank Allah that it was brought into my life and Inshallah I want to grow and learn everyday in this wonderful, peaceful religion! I also pray that one day I will be able to share all of this with my family and friends!


Candice said...

I think it's totally understandable for you not to want to tell your mom. I don't think it's something that needs to be fully public, especially in your circumstances. It's not worth devastating your mom.

I know that with my family, they are super supportive and accepting, and that they would accept me in any way, but I too, would not want to hurt my mom and stress her out, etc. I made her go through enough with my relationship. So I understand where you're coming from!

I love how anonymous blogging is... It does allow me to get my feelings out about a subject I don't really want to go into with most people in my life. I gave the link to only one friend so far, just because she is curious about religion and all that. She gave it to another of my friends. They are the only ones who are my real life friends who know about the blog. It's kinda nice to have this space for myself. :)

Lisa said...

I think you have made a wise decision in the short term. Aalya, when I look at the situation from my vantage point, I'm reminded of how I told everyone and showed them right away. I showed them outwardly by wearing the religion on my head, and for a time even becoming a niqaabi.

But, inside dear, inside I wasn't ready to stand up for Islam.

It is so good that you are increasing in your iman first. You will be able to weather the inevitable and not be dragged down in your deen when you tell everyone.

And additionally, they will see that this wasn't about your marriage at all. That you really wanted to be Muslim for yourself. And they will respect you more.

You still have plenty of time sister. Feel no pressure. Inshallah, I wouldn't even start worrying until you have a 4 year old who asks questions :)

I love you so much. Believe me your family already knows. And your co-workers do as well deep down. This will be easier then you think dear.

أم ترافيس said...

Isnt it a part of being a Muslim though that the community should know you are a Muslim? I know that refers to the Muslim community, but to keep it from your friends, family and co-workers, it is like you are hiding it or ashamed.

Plus do you want to wear hijab? Do you feel it is right? If the answers are yes and you are not, then perhaps Allah will question you about it.

Also, how can your family or anyone learn about Islam, if you arent practicing in public?

And finally, I would imagine you find your ibadah difficult - prayers and fasts - if the people you are with do not know (and are therefore unable to support you)

In the end, we all have reasons for our decisions, and I support you no matter what because I love you, but I feel that you might be influenced by Shayton and your Islam will suffer because of this.

Anyone who has to hide who they are for whatever reason, must truly be suffering somehow, and I think if this is what you feel and believe you need to strive for it. I feel that to do otherwise is a disservice to yourself, and those around you.

Allahu alim, ukhti. Just my two pennies worth.

Hajar said...

Assalamualaikum sis,

Quite a predicament. You have substantial reasons for not disclosing your faith and I respect that. Perhaps you need a little more time. Nevertheless, I do hope that eventually, Insha'Allah you'll garner the strength that you exhibit through your anonymous identity and stand tall on your beliefs among the people surrounding you. I'm sure they'll accept it well, because that is you. :)

Ahxuan said...

I have the same problem...i cant do dawah to my family especially my parents. In singapore, its a very traditional society still. Main religion is buddhism and taoism.

I alreadi have problems going out with my parents as they doesnt like my hijab. :*(

Cawminsoon said...

subhana"Allah sis! Wow you are so strong and may Allah (swt) help you through these difficult times. To think I find it difficult to do things with a Muslim family so I can only imagine what it would be like for you.

Stay Strong. Pray. & insha'Allah things will get easier with time.

Kitty Pryde said...

Salam Aalya,

I agree with Lisa and cawminsoon. You ARE strong.

And personally, I think Allah knows that you are still learning, and that Allah sees that you are trying... and in the end its Allah's opinion of us that matters.

So keep it up... I pray that Allah smoothen your path in life.


Anonymous said...

Selam, I just found your blog, was referred here by Lisa. :)
I think someone can say "well you should tell her" but unless they're in your shoes they're not going to understand.
With my mom, she doesn't even know I legally changed my first name more than 3 years ago. If I told her, I'm afraid it'll break her heart. My relationship with her is not super close, and I can't remember how I broke the news to her about converting. There were a few years she was not talking to me, but alhamdullilah after my first daughter was born communication started again. I would suggest doing things slowly, and increasing your iman.

shahadashy said...

Salaam Aalya,

I am so happy to see someone else talking about taking things slow and carefully. There is so much pressure for converts to rush into everything without taking the time to really consider what you personally are ready for (both in terms of your deen and your own personal circumstances).

Thank you for posting this, it is nice to see honest discussion about topics such as this :-)


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