A letter to my Mother - part one

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I have written something all my life, well ever since I can remember writing. I have always liked to write down my thoughts and somehow get meaning from it.
I recently found some of my very old writings and looked back on them and thought.... wow was I ever dark and Not all my things were so dark but it did represent how I felt at that time, well I was a teenager...I think we're all 'dark' at that time in our lives!
I thought I would share with you all a 'letter' I am writing to my Mother. I really have not decided for sure if this will be a 'real' letter or just a fictional piece of writing with a very real edge to it.

I sit and start writing, I am writing to you because somehow I cannot get these words out to you in person. I sit here and try to think what happened that I cannot talk to you, cannot tell you my wonderful news, or tell you anything about my new life? All I know is that if I do not tell you these things, I will somehow lose a part of myself. You raised me, loved me and cared for me for so many years. You raised me with your beliefs, thoughts and words. You raised me to be kind to others, show compassion and be generous. You would say to me: Be thankful to God that you have been given life and always remember God in your life. You raised me well and I cannot forget that, but now it seems that you have forgotten about me, or maybe you think I have forgotten about you. You only see what I do and wear, not the daughter that you raised. You think I have rejected your teachings and in essence rejected you. You only see hate and lies. I want to tell you that you are being lied to and taught hatred. Instead of listening to me, you listen to strangers - people who do not care about you, but I do. You say to me: why do you bow down to a false god, how could you reject all I taught you, you are rejecting me. I get so hurt by your words, yet you do not know how much it hurts. You are blinded by lies. I try and tell you: I bow down to God, the same God you worship, the one and only God, the same God you taught me to worship. You say: Don't blaspheme, it is not the same God, don't ever say that. Your words cut me. I say: God is great, God is great, He is the only one to worship, he is the One God. Praise be to Him who created the heavens and the earth and everything else!


Ahxuan said...

salam sister,

I guess there is alot of turmoil going on our minds sometimes...I cant figure why we women think so much.

Lisa said...

I am praying fo you Aalya. Inshallah it is very therapeutic to write this, even if you never send it. And if you do send it, I hope that your mother responds with a hug and kiss.

I definitely am so glad you married a nice Turkish man. He can DEFINITELY understand you since he may have family and relatives who don't believe a sister should even wear hijab to university.

I used to be very involved with the Fethullah Gulen movement.

Aalya, I'm praying so hard that if you do send this, things will be better. I love you so much!


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