You raised kids...I would expect more help?

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

This is somewhat of a rant and question all in one.  When I was pregnant I was expecting a lot of advice and help from my Mother.  I imagined that she would tell me all about the late night feedings and how you would have to be awake every hour and that most likely you will be a zombie the next day.  I imagined she would tell me about how and what to feed, tell me that breastfeeding is a wonderful choice and praise me for trying to do it (she was not able to do it).  I imagined all these things and more...but what did I get...nothing really.  All I ever heard from her was that parenting was hard but worth it in the end.  Ok, well yeah we all know that...I wasn't looking for a fortune cookie message...I was looking for advice and help.  One moment I will never forget and it hurt deeply.  I was struggling with breastfeeding and little one was crying and fussing, my mother was there and she was watching what I was doing, and she says:  "stop torturing him and give him a bottle" OMG...I was so hurt...I just looked at her and said : "I'm not torturing, I'm trying to feed"  I mean could she say that?  Anyway, basically I was looking for some motherly advice but it never came, only "fortune-cookie" sayings. Sigh...anyway I'm mostly over it now (mostly, not quite).  So jump forward to today...present time. Little one is a bit sick or teething, don't really know yet if its a cold or just teething.  He is a bit feverish, and is sneezing a bit more, and just doesn't look happy.  I know, I know it sounds like a cold, but two months ago he was the same and out popped two teeth, so I realized it was that.  Right now he is working on all four of his upper teeth, so I'm assuming its from that, anyway this time its Mother -In -Law who is questioning things.  She says: "how did he get a fever, why is this happening?  SERIOUSLY?? I felt like saying to her "you raised two kids, you know they get fevers, and go through teething."  Why are these mothers not helping? Instead they are questioning and acting as if they don't know what babies and kids go through?? Maybe I'm expecting too much?  I'm not sure what I would do if there was no internet, I would surely be stuck on what to do and what to expect.  If I'm allowed to be a grandmother one day (Inshallah) I swear that son or daughter or son-in-law/daughter-in-law will get an ear full of me giving examples and advice and all...well, if only they want it...I also know when to SHUT UP! LOL!!


Dino$ said...

wow.. i thought i was the only one.. all i ever heard was how i was doing something wrong and how i should not be doing something. i mean we want help support and not someone to bring us down. especially our own mothers. and mothers in law. i believe the hardest time of my life was the first days after delivery and learning how to get the hang of breastfeeding and the nightfeedings! at least now after all this i feel more comfortable with the idea of the second child because i have had the first baby :)

good luck with the teething its tough on both babies and mommys

Leila said...

Good luck :) I found your blog and got hooked reading it, I read the whole lot :D from what it seems you'll cope fine! :)

I've added you to my blogroll, I look forward to reading more! :)

Aalya said...

Thanks for the comments

Dino...exactly you want support not someone to bring you down...but oh well what to do? I agree the first days, weeks are the hardest. I think that I am ready for another child (inshallah) at least I kind of know what to expect! the whole blog! Well hope it was interesting! Inshallah I'll cope!! Thanks for adding me!


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