Marriage - Love and Mercy
Marriage is a stage in life, for Muslims this means, if you marry you have completed half of your deen (religion). Such an important event in your life, marriage must be taken very seriously, if not you have a chance of ruining many lives. You can never know who is the 'right' person, but you can try and interview and find the person who is most inline with all of your thoughts and practices. Ok, that sounds a bit cold and unfeeling. It is not a job interview but rather a life interview, you are about to start on another path of your journey in life.
"And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in peace and tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): Verily in that are signs for those who reflect" (Quran 30:21)
Love and mercy between your hearts, what a wonderful statement. Dwell in peace and tranquility, this is the ultimate goal in marriage and yet we see that so many marriages end in divorce... why?
One reason can be that one partner thinks they are above the other. This can be either the woman or the man. God has created humans equal - meaning no one person is above the other - but with different roles, as with men and women. Men are usually the providers and keepers of the family, they must work and strive to give their family food and shelter. Women are the ones who take care of the family, providing a nice home and quite often must educate the children. Many women are up in arms about equality and women's rights, but why must we be equal to a man in terms of their roles? Ok, let me explain. Inevitably the woman will be in charge of cooking, cleaning and general keep up of the home - this is their 'job'. (ok that sounds very sterotypical - but we all know that this is how it is and wow some women actually like taking care of their husbands and children.) The man's job is to provide in financial terms, this is a very big responsibility as well, just as the woman's is. We all know that in reality today, men and women both 'work' outside the home, but the interesting thing is that women usually will go home and do the 'housework' after working 'outside'. So, do women really want to be the same as a man? Yes, some do. After working in an office all day then coming home to do the housework, I feel that maybe I can give that roll of 'provider' over to my husband. Along these lines, husbands can also help out with the house work, in fact if we both (husband and wife) help out each other in our 'roles' it will not be so difficult and so much of a challenge. 'Love and mercy between your hearts', perhaps this is one meaning, because if we realize that we all need help and compassion then we can move on and grow in our marriage and life!
As of yesterday I have been married for 10 months, Mashallah, it has been a wonderful experience. I can say it has been an adjustment, from living at home with my parents to living with a husband. It is not only an adjustment for me, but for my husband as well. Both of us being individuals with individual feelings and lifestyle, suddenly that changes and we both have to deal with each others 'quirks'. My mother gave me good advice, she said: 'nothing happens overnight, things will all fall into place and you will find your own place in the marriage as will your husband'.
Put love and mercy between the both of you, when life is hard on the one take comfort that the other is there with you to support and help. When you are happy know that there is the other there to laugh with you. One more piece of advice my mother gave me, and this one was from her grandmother : ' Do not go to sleep angry with each other, kiss each other goodnight and don't keep a grudge'. Very wise words, mashallah, from one generation to the next!